Deciphering dreams

I woke up this morning in an uneasy place. My first recognizable thought was of the dream that I had just experienced before the music from my alarm clock jerked my mind awake. Strange dream, strange enough to have a struck a chord with me. I laid in bed, the darkness completely engulfing my view, savoring the emotions that washed over me as I recounted the images from my dream. I wanted to remember the dream, how I felt, how much it impacted me. Even now, sitting here almost 12 hours after the dream, that feeling is slipping away. At the time I knew it would happen, I just hoped that I could prolong the inevitable. Now instead, I'm in a fog. I don't know which way is right or left, up or down. I'm split between my logical self and my subconscious self about what the dream meant. It's funny, I'm sitting here trying to decode what my subconscious meant when I should be listening to my emotions. Rubbish. I'm a busy woman, I don't have time to give to myself, let alone to figure out what I want or need. All I feel day in and day out is fatigue. Adele's "Someone Like You" is blasting at me from my Mac's speakers, yet I feel nothing. I'm imagining myself 5 years ago and I know that the person I was then would have felt so much pain & sadness from this song. I would have felt something. It's funny, all it took was a dream to shake me from my core and bring me back to the reality that I have somehow lost my way along the path of adulthood.

A big slap in the face from my inner self to jolt me awake from the drowsy livelihood that I have lived 24/7 for the past few months. It stung, but I hear ya, loud and clear.

Thanks.

Family & love

iPhone snapshots of moments in my life with my loves.

I think I might want to make this a regular post. The further I find myself going into "adulthood", the harder it seems for me to pick up my camera. I used to be so into photography, it was my being, my calling. My life. But now, sitting here, after 8 hours of working on my feet and 2 more hours of farting around on the internet, I feel like I've lost myself in regards to photography. My grown-up life has taken the childhood out of me completely. Sometimes I wonder what happened. Then I panic and wonder WHEN it happened. Regardless, I will try (I know I've said it before and had meant it for a whole 20 minutes) to take more pictures. It may not be awesome SLR type pictures but baby steps people, baby steps!

Well, I did it!!

I spent the better part of yesterday using the Nikon EM. I was trying to get as comfortable as possible with it using some cheap film that I bought. I wanted to do all my trial and errors before I started using the more expensive films that I have lying around. So how was my experience? It was pretty fun actually. I had a great time shooting manual and getting back to basics with photography. Film definitely makes you think twice about your composition and the subject. I like that challenge... it brought me back to the good old days of shooting manual metering and focus with my D40.

I got my film developed this morning and was so excited to come back an hour later to check on the results. The pictures turned out... different than I thought it would. I'm not sure if it's because of the low light, the film, or the camera (maybe even ME, gasp!) but I wasn't too pleased with the results. Most of the pictures were slightly out of focus. I'm not sure if I was to blame but I gotta say that focusing on this camera is a major challenge. There's a part of the viewfinder that is shaded gray which makes it really hard to see where exactly you're focusing. Maybe I'm jut not used to it. Either way, here are the not so great pics. I'm definitely learning from my mistakes and moving on :)